How old is "grown up"?

I know there are age requirements for certain things: you must be 16 to drive, 18 to vote, and 21 to drink alcohol, etc. But this woman is 85. I think she has earned the right to stuff dollar bills in a dancer’s pants if she wants to.

This has got to be the worst form of birth control ever...

A woman from Pleasant Grove, Utah, is facing six counts of murder for strangulating and suffocating six babies immediately after she gave birth to them (over a period of ten years). She individually wrapped each baby (and a seventh still-born baby) in towels and plastic and stored them in cardboard boxes in her garage. Then she left them there when she moved out of the house. And she looks so surprised in her mug shot, as if she figured that no one would ever clean out the garage.

Or maybe she's surprised because someone told her that there are other forms of birth control.

The Brady Bunch meets Psycho

The Pennsylvania high school stabber’s lawyer says the stabber’s family is “like the Brady Bunch.” Sure, if the Brady Bunch were homicidal ax-wielding maniacs. 

What is with people? The kid must be mentally unstable. How else could he violently stab 21 people before being tackled to the ground? Are we going to blame this on cell phones again? Or are we going to admit that there’s a real problem here?

Correlation is Not Causation

CBS reports that a man with body dysmorphic disorder grew suicidal after spending 10 hours a day taking 200 selfies a day, trying to take the “right” selfie. The man’s doctor warns that “taking too many selfies may cause mental illness.”

If you don’t like the way you look in pictures, stop taking 200 selfies a day! This is not rocket science.

But seriously, mental illness should not be taken lightly. My problem with this article is that the doctors (including the man’s parents, who are both “mental health professionals”) are blaming the mental illness on the technology. If the selfies are causing the problem, then can’t it be solved by taking away the guy’s cell phone and digital camera? Did none of the “mental health professionals” think of that? Or does anyone think that maybe the problem is a little deeper than the technology? I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the man was already mentally ill, and that is what caused him to waste 10 hours a day taking pictures of himself. Even if you like what you look like, you would have to be mentally ill in the first place to spend that much time taking selfies. This brings us to the critical thinking lesson of the day: Correlation is not causation, no matter how convenient it would be for two mental health professionals to blame a cell phone for their son’s mental problems.

Sometimes art is so bad, it's good. (No, this is not an April Fool's joke.)

A performance artist was arrested in Paris after parading in front of the Eiffel Tower with a live rooster attached to his penis via a "leash" of white ribbon. Steven Cohen also donned red gloves, platform high-heeled shoes, a girdle, thigh-high panty hose, a feather headdress, and elaborate makeup including fake eyelashes. He calls the piece Coq/Cock, pun intended.

He is being charged with sexual exhibitionism in French court. But South African Cohen explains his artistic performance: "I made a work using French national symbols - the cock, the Eiffel Tower, the Folies Bergere - as well as a very South African approach to using public space with political consciousness." He further explains the piece as being about "gender identity and the politics of the body."

I think this performance deserves credit for originality and entertainment value. Just seeing Cohen walk around in those shoes is quite an impressive site. But Parisians didn't feel that it was anything worth writing home about. Fairfax Media reports, "Cohen told the court there had been no complaint from people who had witnessed the performance and even a group of passing nuns were unfazed." Apparently Parisians have seen everything already.

But seriously, I feel this piece is a statement about uncomfortable clothing that women must wear to be acceptable in society. To me it says, "If men had to wear fake eyelashes, girdles, thigh-highs and high-heeled shoes, they, too, would feel as if they had a rooster tied to their penis."

As the above photo doesn't do justice to this artwork, a video of the performance, with additional commentary by the artist, can be seen on YouTube. I encourage you to watch the video and see what metaphors come to mind.

UPDATE: The artist was found guilty, but given no penalty.

From the Dyslexia Department

I saw this logo, and being the dyslexic that I am, I thought it said, "Just rub on it."

P.S. Blue-Emu is a topical pain reliever.

From the Irony Department

South Carolina man accused of hitting girlfriend with anger management book

Enough said.

Violence in My Own Backyard

Some people believe that if a little is good, then a lot is even better. Unfortunately, this does not apply to tree trimming. There comes a point where trimming off more branches is a bad thing. I think the gardener went too far when trimming the tree on the right, below.

As you can see, the tree on the left has leaves on it, but the tree on the right has not sprouted a single leaf since it's overzealous "trim." Maybe "bob" would be more appropriate. The gardener killed it! I don't think it was premeditated. However, this is clearly an aggravated assault. Gross negligence leading to death. It is worthy at least of a manslaughter (plant-slaughter?) charge. 

There is even evidence that this individual may be a serial killer. Another thoroughly-trimmed tree close by shows the same M.O. Notice the severed trunk.

What was this guy thinking? "Hey, if I just cut off the trunk, then I don't have to trim all these little branches. That'll save time." 

We can't let these criminals get away with this. If you see a suspicious hedge trimmer-wielding individual in your neighborhood, report it to the police immediately!

Grandma Opposes Frozen's "Gay Agenda"

The Huffington Post reports that a Mormon grandmother is slamming Disney's Oscar-winning movie Frozen for its “gay agenda.”

That’s funny. I don’t remember anyone complaining about Disney's Mulan, and that girl is a cross-dresser!

Imitation is the Highest Form of Flattery

…and if you are a dictator, you can force everyone to flatter you.

Kim Jong Un has ordered all North Korean men to get the same haircut that he has. 

Well, that's one way to get people to stop making fun of your haircut. I guess they can't laugh if they look just as ridiculous as you do.

P.S. North Korean women can still choose from one of 18 approved hairstyles:

In other Haircut Police news, see School suspends girl who shaved her head for friend with cancer.

Airfares get more and more expensive, and the amenities get worse and worse...

Seen in the Dallas airport:

 

Heard over the PA system: "Some of you will be departing via gates A8 and A10. The rest of you will be leaving via the toilets at A9." 

That's what you get for flying coach.

Higher Education

I passed a sign for Bastyr University on my way to work today. How do you pronounce that? I’m assuming “BAH-stir.”

What is their mascot? The Bastyr Bastards? That's an alma mater you can be proud of.

Hooters as the Voice of Feminism

Even Hooters in San Diego will not serve the mayor, who is accused of groping numerous women. San Diego Hooters has joined a campaign where businesses post signs in their windows that say (and I’m not making this up), “Mayor Bob Filner will not be served in this establishment” because “We believe women should be treated with respect."

A One-Way Ticket

A one-way ticket is 80% cheaper than round-trip...that is, if you are headed for Mars.

"A human mission to Mars is technologically feasible, but hugely expensive," say scientists Dirk Schulze-Makuch and Paul Davies. They have a solution: Don't bother planning for a return trip to Earth. A one-way trip would be attainable in the near future. While the scientists are not volunteering themselves, they say that they have had many volunteers. Personally, I know a few people I'd like to send to Mars.

In case you are interested, here's the itinerary: "You and a stranger would board a spacecraft and travel for six months — absorbing levels of radiation so high that your reproductive organs would be destroyed — before arriving at your new planet. There you would live in an ice cave, or perhaps inside a biosphere adjoining a cave, for the rest of your life (which, incidentally, would be 20 years or less). Two other Earth ex-pats would arrive in their own craft, and together the four of you would prepare a home for 150 more people, most of whom would arrive decades after your death."

One commenter noted, "Actually preparing a place for only 150 is just 385 too few. There are 435 members of the House of Representatives and 100 United States Senators."

Typos Gone Wild

There must be cannabis in the air...here's another post about marijuana.

Every summer, the California Library Association organizes a Summer Reading Program for all of the public libraries in the state to implement. The idea is to keep kids reading and learning over the summer vacation. They have already issued the manuals for the 2011 Summer Reading Program, which will focus on "Travel and World Cultures." Unfortunately, there was a typo in the Children's Manual. Under "Books to Share," it lists "De Colores...La Ganja / The Farm"

It is supposed to be granja ("farm" in Spanish), but the 'r' is missing. Instead, it refers to ganja, a.k.a. marijuana. Oh well, maybe it's a Freudian slip. After all, there is a proposition on the ballot in California to legalize cannabis. So maybe the kids can learn about hemp farms. It might make a good summer job, perfect for the Summer Reading Program.

Cracking down on crime has never felt so good.

Yesterday, Mexican police set fire to a 134 ton pile of marijuana that they seized from the local drug cartel. Dozens of local, state and federal officials took time out of their day to attend the burning.
 
In other news, fast food sales near the US-Mexico board are off the charts today.

Strange Signs

Remember Gary Larson's cartoon about the Midvale School for the Gifted?

I saw this sign posted on a door at a private school for students with average to above-average intelligence.

Strange Quote of the Day (and a Strange Crime)

The quote of the day is:

"As it turns out, being arrested is a great way to induce labor."

Two women were stealing software from Wal-Mart when they got caught. Upon being arrested, one woman went into labor, and had to be taken to the hospital instead of the police station. She is being charged with theft. I would add a charge of corrupting a minor for involving the baby in the heist.

Strange Signs

I took this picture in downtown San Diego today. I think there is a one-way street, but I can't figure out which way it goes:

Here's another great sign photo (from theBerry.com). Note to self: When you hang a "Lease" sign in front of a "Subway" sign, take a step back and look at the big picture.

Drowning in Stupidity

From John McAllister of "Friends of the San Diego Library":

"Speaking in a blog, Gayle Falkenthal, spokesperson for NO on Proposition D, challenged the need for libraries in today's society:

 

Government should provide essential service and NO MORE. But essential services aren't all that easy to define. Let's focus on the City of San Diego. Sure, we all agree on police and fire protection being essential. What about lifeguard service? I say no. It's your choice to go into the ocean, so you accept the risk. Libraries? I love libraries but they aren't essential either, certainly not in the age of the Internet.  

"Library services are more important and popular than ever, with circulation at an all-time high and use of Library Internet and technology resources exploding."

We don't need lifeguards and libraries...we can be illiterate when we drown.