Don't Drink and Trade

The ups and downs of the stock market can drive you to drink. But stock trading and drinking do not mix. An intoxicated oil futures broker made some $520 million worth of trades in the middle of the night during a binge drinking spree last year. He has "limited recollection" of the trading as he was in an "alcohol-induced blackout" at the time. The zombie trader managed to make the price of oil go up $1.65 a barrel in about two hours' time. The oil futures company that he worked for lost almost $10 million because of his trades. Notice that the last sentence is in the past-tense ("worked"). He has been fired and barred from the stock markets for five years. Actually, he got off easy with a $107,600 fine...he's lucky he didn't have to repay the whole $10 million.

A Sign of the Economic Times

I think that this poor stop sign has fulfilled its career as a traffic sign and should be allowed to retire. Unfortunately, in this economy, no one can afford to retire, not even a faded-beyond-recognition stop sign.

Isn't it strange how people get prettier as the night goes on?

The "Closing Time Effect" is the phenomenon "that when you're drunk and it's late the people around you suddenly seem more attractive." Just to assure you that your tax dollars are going to a good cause, you will be happy to know that researchers have been studying this phenomenon regularly since 1979. The latest study, from Sydney, Australia, has determined that blood alcohol level is only partly to blame for the closing time effect. In the past, studies have claimed that the effect is also caused by the fear of going home alone as closing time approaches. But the Australian study refutes this explanation, saying that the effect is due to two factors (in addition to alcohol):

1. Exposure (looking at the same people for several hours makes them seem more attractive)
2. Scarcity (as people go home and there are fewer in the bar, the ones who are left look better)

Rest assured that the researchers will continue to study this important aspect of psychology. The Australian researchers say, "The phenomenon merits research not only because it is intrinsically interesting but because it is probably occurring nightly in every gin joint in every town in all the world."

More strange names

Nominative Determinism:

• Gary Plummer the Plumber

Nominative Determinism: We hope not.

• Surname: Belcher. Here's a website proudly stating that Belcher means "good cheer." Hey, whatever makes you happy.
• Surname: Fink. As in Stephen Fink of Fink Inc.
• Surname: Kostic. See the Kostic Family Site. My family was caustic, too, we just spelled it differently.
• Surname: Mulder. Sounds like moulder (verb: to rot and decay)

Nominative Onomatopoeia 

• Surname: Pitui. How do you pronounce that?

Lost in translation. These Vietnamese given names don't translate well into English:

• Sinh (boy)
• Dung (boy or girl)
• Bich (girl)
• Hung (boy or girl)
• Hang (girl)
• Phuc (boy or girl)

Bad surnames:

• Ciccocioppo. It looks like they were limited to the number of letters they had to work with, so they made the name really long to compensate for this shortcoming. It's the surname version of a comb-over.
• Mudd. Remember when your mom said, "Get in here right now, or your  name is Mud!"
• Lajiness. Change just one letter, and you have Laziness. That's not going to look good on a job application.

Strange products

You've heard of a paper shredder, but this is a hand shredder. Often used by the mafia when they want to remove fingers.

 

Just kidding, it's a hand-operated paper shredder. And, it was seen on TV! Oops, no, it is just "Similar to items seen on TV."

 

OK, now that I have made fun of the paper shredder, I have to say that it is actually a good little shredder. I like that it is manually operated (instead of electric) because I think it is safer to have in a household that has kids. Also, the blades are hidden, making it difficult (but, I'm sure, not impossible) for a child to hurt himself. Yes, "himself"...girls wouldn't stick their fingers in a paper shredder. The death-and-destruction gene is on the Y chromosome.

  

Strange names of businesses

Strange names are not limited to people. Here are some strange names of businesses and towns.

Strange Restaurants:

• The Boll Weevil, Augusta, GA
• Bub's Dive Bar and Grill, Pacific Beach, CA (The place is a real dive.)
• Fatty's Bar and Deli, San Diego, CA
• Dick's Last Resort, Chicago, IL
• Grumpy's BBQ Roadhouse, Allentown, PA
• Sister Pee Wee's Soul Food, San Diego, CA
• Tent City, Coronado, CA
• Latitude 32, Pacific Beach, CA (Actual latitude of the location: 32.8, so they should be "Latitude 33," but I guess they thought 32 was a more-attractive number.)
• Dos Patrons, San Diego, CA (Very exclusive...only two diners at a time!)

Businesses that want you to kiss it:

• Kiss My Glass:  Window and Window Parts, Las Vegas, NV
• Kiss My Glass:  Custom art glass, Santa Cruz, CA
• Kiss My Glass:  Window cleaning, Jackson, WY
• Kiss My Glass:  Skate Shop, Fresno, CA
• Kiss My Glass:  Auto Glass, Boynton Beach, FL

 Strange towns:

• Hell, Michigan, Actual town motto: "Come to Hell!"
• Now when you tell people to go to Hell, you can give them MapQuest directions.
• Michigan, North Dakota (Having an identity crisis?)
• Belchertown, Massachusetts
• Bellybutton, Arizona 
• Why, Arizona (A philosopher's paradise)

 And, our grand-prize winner:

• Fink Consulting, run by Andreas Fink