A Warning Worth Heeding

A Malasian man who purchased a penis enlargement device online was unhappy when he received a magnifying glass in the mail. "The instructions that came with the package merely read: 'Do not use in sunlight.'"  

Unfortunately, he paid 80 British pounds ($134 US Dollars) for the device.

Worst Honeymoon Location Ever

 Couple spends wedding night in jail, in wedding attire.

“The Manchester Evening News reports that the couple became combative with hotel staff as they were trying to check into their wedding suite, so security guards were called. Nick Bigland is accused of causing bodily harm to one of the guards and Kirsty allegedly made racist comments to another guard.”

Marketing Mess-Ups

This bio-tech company in San Diego is called Verenium. 

That rhymes with perineum. What marketing guru thought of that name?

One Size Fits All Ages

I'm not sure if this swimming mask is for adults who act like 3-year-olds, or 3-year-olds who think they are adults.

Act your age, people!

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!

How do you destroy a whole house by blowing your nose? It helps if you have a lit cigarette in your mouth.

Man attempting to blow nose and smoke cigarette at same time winds up burning house down.

Add that to the list of health hazards of smoking.

Hamuketsu: Hamster butts are all the craze in Japan

“Hamuketsu,” which translates to “hamster buttocks,” is a growing trend in Japan.

“The great thing about hamuketsu is that it is delightfully cute. I can’t stop smiling when I see these butts,” said a Japanese publisher of a hamster-butt book.

Bully or Hero?

The press is saying that a father “pummeled” and “beat up” an 11-year-old boy for bullying his 9-year-old autistic son. Get your story straight, guys.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary Online, “pummel” means “to hit someone or something repeatedly, especially with your fists.”

The father did not hit or punch the boy even once, let alone repeatedly. All he did was pull his hair and shove him. I’m not saying it’s right for an adult to treat a child like that, I’m just saying that it was a pretty mild punishment, and the bully deserved worse. What parent wouldn’t want to pull hair (or worse) if someone was bullying their kid?

And while we are defining things, Wikipedia says, “Bullying may be defined as the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or mentally” (emphasis added). This bully was repeatedly hurting another boy. Bullying is a chronic problem, one that the school and bus driver did not address. Of course the boy’s father was upset. Not only had his son been mistreated in the past, this was an ongoing problem, and he had to do something to prevent his son from continuing to be hurt in the future. In defense of his son, he decided to take action. Yes, he behaved too aggressively. But since his actions were (1) pretty minor, and (2) in defense of his son’s well-being, I think the father should be declared not guilty of the child abuse charges he now faces. He’s been in jail since last Friday. Okay, that’s punishment enough. Drop the charges.

Did anyone punish the bully? There’s no mention of it in the article. But maybe he learned a lesson: What goes around comes around. Personally, I’m glad this dad created some consequences for a bully. If bullies keep getting away with this kind of behavior, they will grow up to be real criminals, who really assault people (not just pull someone’s hair). If anything, this dad did a favor to the bully. He certainly did what the school failed to do. I’m proud of him for standing up for his son.

If you are proud, too, forward this post to a friend. 

Organic is Not Always Better

Organic kitty litter may have caused a nuclear meltdown in Carlsbad, New Mexico.

“Officials are investigating whether a switch from non-organic to organic litter is to blame for the [radiation] leak.”

 

On the other hand, “Radioactive Kitty Litter” would make a good name for a rock band.

Cabbage Therapy: Cheap and Effective Mental Healthcare

Chinese teenagers take cabbages for walks as an effective treatment for depression and loneliness. 

"The youngsters are able to meet other people who also walk the green foods.

One student says, "If I see someone else its easy to start up a conversation with them about their cabbage, and they are better than dogs as they don’t bark, or start fights with other cabbages, it doesn’t even need feeding, or leave a mess on the pavement."

Chinese psychiatrist Wen Chao said: 'The idea is simple – you feel as lonely and as simple as a cabbage, so you begin to act like one and befriend one.'" 

Of course this is happening in China. Because there’s no affordable healthcare in the U.S.

Bastyr Mascot Update

Update: Bastyr University has announced a mascot: Kale, as in the vegetable. I am not making this up, nor did I Photoshop this picture of the University president playing catch with the green, leafy mascot.

 

The Name Game

If you have a hyphenated last name, presumably you have two surnames that are so good, you just couldn’t choose between them, so you had to have both. So what is this guy's story?

A Day at the Races

Some people bet on horses. Today, science geeks are betting on slime molds, specifically, which one can traverse a 0.8 mm maze the fastest in the Dicty World Race 2014 (named after Dictyostelium, the genus of the competing amoebae). Unlike most sports, “doping and genetic enhancement are not only allowed, but encouraged.” The trainers of the winning mold get $5,000 and bragging rights at a slime mold conference in Germany. (Yes, there is such a thing as a slime mold conference.) Spectators have a chance to win $500 gift cards to Amazon and Chipotle for picking the winning mold.

The World Race is not without intrigue: The team from the University of Luxembourg’s amoebae were DOA when they arrived in Boston for the races. (Officials are suspiciously eying the team from Germany.) Luckily, replacement amoebae were shipped from Luxembourg in time to compete. The races are being streamed live, as well as live-blogged and tweeted, so you have no reason to miss out.

Actual Dicty World Race logo:

Actual slime mold scientist pipetting slime onto a microscope slide for the race:

Geek on!

It's just like World War II, but without Nazis

A World War II reenactment was cancelled when people realized that the true-to-form event would involve German soldiers dressed in authentic uniforms. The reenactment was a charity event to raise money for the Help for Heroes project. The Barnsley Council, which cancelled the event, said the reenactment can be rescheduled “if the nature can be changed so as not to include any Nazi elements.”

  

When Trees Attack

Luckily, this tree couldn't make it up the stairs, else who knows what mayhem might have ensued.

Accused Killer Fears "Murder" Tattoo Might Prejudice Jury

I guess he got the “MURDER” tattoo in case anyone was unclear about the meaning of his tear drop tattoo (which supposedly represents having killed someone). On the other hand, since the letters are backwards, I guess the tattoo is really for himself, when he looks in a mirror. Is this his to-do list?

At any rate, he’s right; it doesn’t look good to a jury.

Lame (Duck) Excuse

A retired nurse in Oregon is suing for $275,000 in an alleged pet duck attack.

“In her attempt to run away from the agitated waterfowl, Ruddell fell to the ground, breaking her right wrist and spraining an elbow and shoulder, the suit claims.”

So it seems she was not injured by the duck, but by herself, while trying to run away from the duck. Seems like she is blaming her own clumsiness on a duck. 

Apparently it didn't look *enough* like a gun

A man tried to rob a gas station and a dry cleaner using “a knife and a potato that apparently looked like a handgun.” All he got was a fake $20 bill.

  

Sharknado is truly dangerous

Even this Sharknado action figure is dangerous! It is hazardous to anyone under 16 years old. A 15-year-old cannot be trusted to play with this toy.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Europe is outraged that the U.S. could botch an execution. Yes, it is embarrassing that it took 43 minutes for Clayton Lockett to die after he was injected. As one twitter user noted:

“How could Oklahoma botch an execution? If there’s one thing I would expect Americans to know how to do by now, it’s kill somebody.”

However, given that Lockett duct taped, kidnapped, beat, gang-raped, shot, and then buried alive a 19-year-old girl, I don’t feel too bad for him. He willfully meted out more than 43 minutes of agony on an innocent victim (and raped her friend, too).

We can debate about whether death by lethal injection (or capital punishment in general) is “cruel and unusual punishment,” which is banned by the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. But what I don’t understand is how people are outraged by the situation in the U.S. when another country has just adopted sharia law. That’s correct…the small nation of Brunei in East Asia has joined many other countries around the world in adopting the Islamic criminal law, which includes “flogging, dismemberment and death by stoning for crimes such as rape, adultery and sodomy,” and it will apply to non-Muslims as well as Muslims. Where’s the outrage over that? 

 

WARNING: Graphic images of sharia law follow. 

 

Yes, this little boy is having his arm severed by a truck, as part of sharia law.

Where is the international outrage?

#hypocrisy

"Baby on Board" signs: Not just for humans anymore.

This bumper sticker says there is a baby on board:

What kind of baby? A baby octopus?

“Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

I was disturbed to see this sign hanging in my local grocery store to support a non-profit campaign:

They want to "END CHILDHOOD"!!! What is this world coming to?

I did a double-take and found out that they actually want to end childhood hunger. 

Wow. Someone needs to go to design school.

Bubble Soccer (or football, as they call it in the rest of the world)

Bubble soccer looks like so much fun. 

 

You could forget the soccer ball and just run around bumping into people in your bubble. It would be like bumper cars. It could be very popular at amusements parks.

Bumper Stickers

You've seen those braggy bumper stickers for people who have run a marathon or half-marathon:

But now they have stickers for the rest of us:

 This guy apparently made it a quarter of a mile before collapsing:

This one probably refers to 3.1 miles, or 5 km, but I prefer the interpretation that it refers not to a number, but to a food (pi, or 3.14159....)

Forget the marathon. I'll show up for pie.

Do you hear a faint ticking sound?

A Pittsburgh woman found a ticking package and, fearing that it was a bomb, threw it out the window. Turns out it was a metronome sent as a gift. Did she think it was a bomb from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon?

Modern bombs don’t tick. The bomb maker would have to go to an antique store to find a ticking alarm clock to make a bomb like that. 

Now who's the super genius?

Bad Housekeeping: How Not to Clean Your Toilet Seat

This paper insert came with a new toilet seat. It says that, when cleaning your toilet seat, "avoid detergents, disinfectants, or cleaning products in aerosol cans." Really, no disinfectants? This is a toilet seat for heaven's sake! Can you think of another item in your home that needs disinfectant more?

The instructions warn that chemicals "may damage the seat's finish." I didn't realize the seat had a finish. It's just a run-of-the-mill solid plastic toilet seat. 

I don't know what planet these people are from, but remind me never to use the restrooms there.

News of the Obvious

These shocking stories are in today's news:

• Swedish news source The Local reports this quote from model Kevin Montero, "The models are judged on how thin they are, which means that the fashion industry doesn't care about your personality."
• The LA times reports, "People's love for cats is unrequited, study indicates."
• UPI reports on the Massachusetts bill to designate a state sandwich, "Why the state Legislature feels the need to designate a (state) sandwich is itself questionable. There's plenty of other pressing business."
• The Daily Star reports, "Sexual assault is not cool, ladies."
• Finally, and most unbelievably, CNN reports that tornadoes are possible in the Great Plains region!

Our Interdependent Global Economy

Condoms mis-labelled in China cause condom shortage in Cuba.

A batch of condoms from China were mis-labelled with the wrong expiration date. Cuban officials are trying to re-package the condoms with the correct expiration date, but can't do it fast enough. As a result, most pharmacies are out-of-stock, and the pharmacies that have them are selling them for $1.30 each, which is an entire day's wage for the average Cuban.

UPDATE: Since this story originally broke, the Cuban Public Health Ministry has authorized the sale of the condoms with the incorrect expiration date. The correct expiration date is December 2014, but in light of the shortage, I guess the authorities figured that they will all be used up by then.

Ridiculous Product: Baby Cologne

Johnson & Johnson has made a product called "baby cologne," which will reportedly "leave your baby smelling clean and fresh."

Babies smell good naturally. They don't need cologne. If your baby smells bad, he needs a bath and a new diaper. And if that diaper is loaded, no amount of cologne is going to help.

Bibliotecariophobia: The Fear of Librarians

A book was returned to a library today, bearing a card showing that it was checked-out on February 6, 1980, and was due on Feb 20, 1980. The book was quietly placed in the outside book drop; I'm sure the guilt-ridden offender did not want to meet a librarian face-to-face. I'd hate to see the over-due fines that person is going to have to pay, with interest compounded over 34 years. He may have to declare bankruptcy.

  

 

To protect the privacy of the innocent as well as the guilty, patron names have been smudged 

out in the above picture of the actual check-out card, which is now an antique collector's item.